i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
