Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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