before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
