coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
