My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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