Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
