Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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