just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
