Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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