you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
