I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
