I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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