It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
