so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize