a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
