my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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