So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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