I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
