just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
