I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
