i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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