I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
