Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
