apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
should my penis look like a turkey
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
