Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
