don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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