You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
