Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
