Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
