Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
