something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
