wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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