My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
