I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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