If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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