So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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