Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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