there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
