i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
