he thought i was a dude.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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