12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
