dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
