then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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