I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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