i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
