You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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