Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
