who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
