I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
