he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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