This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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