I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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