My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
