I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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