I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
