This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
