I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Randomize
