I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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