We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.