Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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