you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
