What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
