i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
