We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
