it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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