I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
