im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
