I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
