i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
