omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
