I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
