would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
